The Writings of Caryn LeMur - Thoughts On Forgiveness

"Forgive as Christ forgave you" seems like such an
unreasonable and heavy command. [Colossians 3:
13]

As a first step, I think it is wise to separate the
concept of 'forgiveness' from the concept of
'insight into weaknesses'.

"Love keeps no record of wrongs". [I Cor 13]
Forgiveness then, is to set aside the accounting of
the error, the wrong, or the hurt. It is to wipe the
ledger clean of the rightful debt that is owed to me.

But, forgiveness is not giving up our awareness of
the insight we have gained into the other person.
That is, we have often gained an insight into the
weakness of the other person by the evil they have
done to us.

- For our Lord (who forgives us) also has great

insight into our weaknesses, for "he will not

tempt us above what we are able to bear" [I

Cor 10] and "we do not have a high priest who

is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses,

but we have one who has been tempted in

every way, just as we are—yet was without

sin." [Hebrews 4]

- And our Lord can also give us insight into

another person's weaknesses: "We who are

strong ought to bear with the failings of the

weak and not to please ourselves." [Romans

15:1]

Thus, forgiveness does not mean to forget the
weakness that is in your parents, or any other
debtor. Forgiveness is to wipe the ledger clean and
not demand repayment -- I think it is a wise man
that can forgive while yet seeing the weakness in
the forgiven debtor.

In light of the two concepts above, I believe it is
best to forgive the specific act and the need for any
form of 'repayment', but I would not forget the
weakness in the person - the weakness that
appears to have driven an evil action.

In practical terms:

Thus, when I stumble into the older pastor that did
me much evil, I greet him with a hug and a "May
our Lord Jesus bless you!" [as taught in Matthew 5:
47] But that pastor is then very caught off guard,
since his world of forgiveness is dependent upon
everyone agreeing with his verdict alone,
repenting, and being 'delivered by God' outside of
his church. I am giving that pastor unconditional
love, and he feels awkward, since the fullness of
Christ within me overflowing with love towards him,
simply 'cannot' exist.

To him, I am a walking impossibility... or am I simply
a racer that runs with fewer ropes and weights
than he?

You see, I've learned of some of his weaknesses
that entangle him:

- of having heard the call-to-battle so many

times, that he can no longer hear the need to

reconcile;

- of truly believing that only Christ could 'eat

with sinners' and that pastors must never

accidentally 'condone' sin by seeking out the

lost or the strays (or being seen with them

except in a church building);

- of sensing a great fear of men (and what

they will say) should he ever be found out to

be simply a human being, with simple

stumblings, and with simple sins;

- of his depression at seeing his church shrink

year after year, and the flower of revival

never blossoming among them... because the

flowers of revival only grow where there is

honest confession of sin met by 'prayer of

equals', and he can only offer the prayer of the

'greater man to the lesser man'.

I feel for him, because he is so entangled with
weaknesses. Like heavy ropes that stumble him - a
pastor and supposed leader of the race - he then:

- twists his ropes of reason all the tighter to

forbid himself to reconcile with those he

removes from the church;

- calls his congregation to further 'battle'

towards 'holiness', but they are too weary to

hear him any longer and cannot withstand

another campaign against their own selves;

- prays for revival, but then ties another

complicated knot across his own eyes that

allows him to ignore the wounded, the strays,

and the repulsive; and

- will not reveal his own humanness to anyone,

but assumes ever-more-heavy weights of

'self-power', 'self-righteousness', or of 'having

his act together'.

He is like the entangled man with ropes and
weights, trying to run a race....

The spectators of the race almost want to laugh at
him -- surely this is a comedy! Surely the pastor-
racer knows the joke he plays upon himself! But
no.... this is not a comedy at all... the pastor-racer
is so serious, and so entangled.

We watch the weights drag behind him on the dirty
track of this earthly stadium, making pitiful small
dust clouds. We realize that the ropes are chaffing
his skin and that the red-shine that appears on his
legs is his blood... It is not a comedy, it is an odd
horror... and slowly, our laughter becomes shock....
and our shock becomes pity... and our pity changes
into compassion.

We begin to plead with the Lord of the Race to
cease to measure back to the pastor what he
measured to others... "This is a horror! Please
stop this insanity! Bless that one that cursed me!"

And then the Lord of the Race calls back, "Caryn,
when I removed the weights and ropes from you,
you barely survived being set free. You learned the
truth about your own humanness; you learned that
I would not heal you of your disorders; you learned
that I would instead walk with you through the
valley of the shadow of death. You renounced me
several times... for you never wanted to be the
'least of my servants' and then the 'greatest in my
kingdom'. You only wanted to be the 'greatest in
my kingdom'."

I whisper back, "... all true, my Lord."

And then He looks at me and says, "Dear one, what
I do with that pastor, what is that to you? Follow
me."

You see, what that pastor did to me was so very
small... especially when compared to what he
continues to do to himself in his earthly race.

Forgiveness comes much easier, when I see that
pastor's weaknesses more clearly... his knots, his
ropes, his weights, his chaffing, his bleeding....

Prayer to the Lord of the Race flows from me for
him, for I realize that only the Lord of the Race can
ever set the pastor free from the weights and sins
that entangle him.

But dear one, we are blessed. Our ropes are
removed. Our weights so greatly lessened. True, I
do not like seeing my scars that were hidden by
those ropes (they are ugly indeed); and learning to
run without weights has caused me to stumble
many times (new balances came a bit slow for
me).

True that He gives many different 'graces' that are
'sufficient' to those of us within the transgender
spectrum. But the freedom we have from our prior
'ropes and weights' is extraordinary... and the
humility we have makes us great in His sight.

We are rich in His forgiveness and freedom. We
run with joy. We sense His closeness. He provides
insight to each of us that is grace for each of our
unique situations. We become ever more at peace
with Him. And, wiping the slate of those in debt to
us becomes easier, as He lets us see their self-
inflicted wounds.

And we hear the clouds of spectators that have
gone before us cheering us on! "To Him who is able
to keep you from falling, and present you before
His glorious presence without fault and with great
joy! To the only God our savior be glory, majesty,
power, and authority, through Jesus Christ our
Lord! He was before all ages! He is now! He is
forever more!" [Jude 1:24-25]

Who could ask for anything more?

"Forgive as Christ forgave you" is now such a light
command.

Much love in Christ always and unconditionally;

Caryn

**************************

(c) Copyright Caryn LeMur 2007

The Collection of Short Works,
Letters, and Poems
Thoughts On Forgiveness

How do you forgive someone that
has done you a great wrong?

What does it mean to 'forgive, as
Christ forgave you'?

Oh, forgiveness is easy when the
slight is small. But what about
when the 'slight' is unforgettable?

Here are some thoughts that have
assisted me, penned to a fellow
Christian on TG-Christians, who
was wrestling with the issue of
'forgiveness'.

Take what helps you in your
journey, k?

Much love; Caryn

**************************

Thoughts On
Forgiveness

Dear K.:

I noticed that you mentioned
'forgiveness' in your letter. I
would like to offer some thoughts
on forgiveness that have assisted
me.

In Deepest Sympathy -
Poetry for those that grieve

Building Faith, Hope, & Love -
Stories and Writings

A Cup Of Cold Water -
Letters For The Thirsty

A Pause In The Forest -
Poetry for thoughtful moments